Losing A Loved One

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The 2017 Grief Symposium has provided me a different perspective when it comes to death, especially that of a close loved one and addressing grief. As a person with no close relative or friend who just died, you can just say “Condolence” or “I am so sorry for your loss,” but can you really say that you feel it? We are all just polite in saying these words to people who are grieving, and we will only find out about it if we are in that position, unfortunately.

My grandfather died in 2016, and I was impaired for a month. I would walk by a restaurant that we used to frequent, and I would cry so hard. Many times, I had to stop by the side of the road because my heart would be so heavy, and I would cry freely. Just out of nowhere. I would even dream of him. The dream was even heart-breaking. I saw my grandfather in the dream of playing with my babies, and he was happy looking out for them. I was maybe 20 meters away, and I said, “Lolo (Grandpa), wait for me. I’m going to you.” He just looked up and said, “Stay there. It’s fine.” No matter what I did to go to him, I was always blocked. But he was happy. He was smiling and laughing with the kids. He even looked so healthy, unlike his last days when he died in my arms. My Lolo was wearing his favorite jacket. When I almost got there, he took off, not even a goodbye. I woke up from that dream, and I was crying heavily.

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He was the father I never had. My grandparents took me in when I was ten after my parents had an accident. They were very loving and brought me upright, you could say. So I ask you who is ready to say goodbye to a loved one? No one. Admittedly, not me.

The symposium opened my eyes to death and the living. I cannot go on heavily grieving as I do, but it is a phase that I must go through. And I had to guide myself on that.

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