Losing my husband is probably the most nerve-wrecking, most heartbreaking, most energy-draining, and most soulful experience I ever had. It was toughest of the toughest challenges that I didn’t believe I will be able to surpass. I thought that it was also the end for me. I thought I would never live my life again after my husband has passed. But because of my husband, himself, I was able to put back my broken pieces of heart, soul and mind into one again. Let me tell you how I managed to cope with my husband’s passing.
It all started with a goodbye.
“Losing someone or something you love and care deeply about is very painful. You may experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness you’re experiencing will never let up,” says Kevin Stevenson, LMHC, MCAP. Most often than not, when someone lost a loved one, he or she may not be able to bid farewell. This maybe because the loved one passed in a very unexpected time or the loved one got into an accident and died. Whatever the reason maybe, not being able to say your final goodbye to your loved one won’t give you that peaceful closure. You will be filled with regret of what if’s and should have’s.
Luckily, I was able to say goodbye to my husband. His death was unexpected but we were able to say goodbye to one another. It may not be during the few minutes before his death, but having that chance to say goodbye to the most precious person in your life is worth the peaceful closure that I needed.
I cherished the reminders that he left.
I and my husband have a wonderful twin, Alon and Malaya. We are all heartbroken after their father died. However, we also supported each other through this grievance. I wouldn’t have escaped that deep, dark hole of depression if not for my loving children. They are the perfect reminder of the perfect relationship I had with my husband. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world. My children are the symbol of the love that I and my husband shared over the past years. I understand Debbie Augenthaler, LMHC, NCC when she says, “Grief is a part of life we must embrace. Many people are grieving, feeling alone and overwhelmed. It’s important to remember that tears are like small messengers of unspeakable, indescribable love.”
I allowed myself to miss him.
“Time heals all wounds.” That’s one of my most favorite quotes. You might say that how can you forget and move on if you would allow yourself to miss your husband. You may not even try this advice. But, I want you to understand that there’s nothing wrong with missing your husband. In fact, missing him, reminiscing your happy memories, and reliving your love for him are very helpful in putting off the fire of sadness, loneliness and abandonment. It is not forbidden not to think about your loved one who passed. This may take some time, but it is still my way to remind myself that my husband lived his life with me contently. “When you miss someone, you need to process it,” says Gregory Kushnick, PsyD.
We may all have different ways that we used to cope with a loss. These three tips are the ones that worked for me. You can try them. You can modify them. As long as you experience their purpose, you are on the right track.