When It’s Hard To Move On Even After Getting Grief Counseling

Source: pexels.com

There was a time in my life when I really felt like I was the queen of the world. I had an incredible job that gave me six figures every year. I found an amazing group of friends who always had my back even if I did not ask. Of course, I had parents who never left my side and always pushed me to be the best person that I could ever be.

Then, one evening, I got a call from a neighbor of all people.

I said, “Hi, how did you get my number?”

“Your parents give it to me a while ago. They instructed me to call you if there was an emergency. And… there is an emergency,” the neighbor replied shakily.

I almost wanted to yell at the neighbor and tell them to stop kidding around. However, in fear of their words being true, I decided to jump out of bed and go to my parents’ house. I could not drive out of nervousness, so I had an Uber driver bring me to their place.

Source: pexels.com

Before the car rounded the corner and reached my parents’ street, though, I could see the billowing smoke where I knew my parents’ house stood. It made everything so real so fast and pushed me to believe that the neighbor was pranking me.

My parents were the most important people in my life, and I could never hug them or see them became some punk chose to set their house on fire for fun. Hands down; it was the most cruel joke of all time.

Going To Grief Counseling

Despite my parents’ sudden deaths, they were the most prepared people that I knew when it came to dying. They told me that they already finished their last will and testament when they were only in their thirties. At 40, my mom and dad even bought two plots at the nearby graveyard to ensure that they would be together even in death.

It makes me tear up as I write this now, but exactly a week after my parents’ deaths, I received an email from a grief counselor, telling me that my parents had their lawyer contact her as a part of their post-mortem plan so that she could help me handle their passing. It was safe to say that neither of them thought of dying at the same time, but it worked. It was so like my parents to do that – to think ahead of what I would need before I even needed them.

Source: pexels.com

I did what my parents wanted me to do. I went to grief counseling for the first consultation and realized that the counselor was really super sympathetic about my current ordeal. She said she did not want to overstep and make me feel like I needed to heal at her pace, which I genuinely admired at that moment.

Unfortunately, after a couple of months of being in counseling, I did not feel like I was getting any better. It could be because the counselor was too nice or too easygoing – I did not know – but it was not working for me.

The first thing that crossed my mind was that grief counseling was not my cup of tea. But when I got to talk to my other friends, they said it was possible that it was the grief counselor that was not working for me. So, I decided to look for another one. I presumed that my parents would be okay with whoever I chose as my new cancer as long as I got counseling.

Getting Better

Although I was a total noob when it came to counseling in general, I was quick realize the difference between a nice counselor and someone who genuinely understood you.

Source: pexels.com

I found Dr. Cruz after a few months of going through different counseling professionals. I was starting to get depressed at that point, but a work friend recommended him to me, so I gave it a shot.

During the initial consultation, I was prepared to give a long speech about what I was going through. However, Dr. Cruz was like, “We won’t take the typical route today. Instead, please tell me about your parents.”

It was so simple. It was not even an order but a request. And I began telling the counselor the best things I remembered and missed the most about my mom and dad. What’s amazing was that I was doing most of the talking, but the counselor could get the conversation going with small nods and smiles. I could have gone on for an entire day if Dr. Cruz’s secretary did not knock to inform him that his next client already arrived.

Though it was a little overdue, it was the beginning of my healing process.

Final Thoughts

I found it challenging to move on even if I had a grief counselor by my side soon after my parents’ burial because she was not the most suitable one for one. When I finally met my match, letting go became easier than expected.

Counseling Check A Year After Boyfriend’s Death

My boyfriend got hospitalized last year around the same time that the COVID-19 pandemic started. He got diagnosed with cancer by December 2019, but he was hoping to be able to make a full recovery after six months of chemotherapy and radiation therapy. He even started losing his hair, but he was cool with it. My boyfriend used to say that it gave him an excuse to look like Vin Diesel, which always made us laugh.

Source: pexels.com

In the second quarter of February, I had to go back to my motherland to see my father, who was had just gone through spinal surgery. I initially hesitated to go because of my boyfriend’s condition, but he assured me that his brother would be able to take him to the hospital for his treatment on time every time.

Only a week after my vacation, though, I learned straight from my boyfriend that he had to be admitted to the hospital because his blood pressure dropped so much during one radiation therapy session. The doctors worried that letting him go home would be more dangerous for him, given that he was home alone.

At that moment, I decided to cut my trip just up to the second week of March so that I could look after my man. I knew that his family was not let anything happen to my boyfriend, but I wanted to be there for him. Unfortunately, it was around the same time that the Philippines – along with other Southeast Asian countries – went on national lockdown. What it meant was that all the borders and points of entry – even the airports – could not operate.

Source: pexels.com

I could not go home to my boyfriend, no matter how much I tried. Ever the understanding one, he said, “That’s okay, honey. It would give you time to be with your family longer. I knew that you missed them so much. Don’t worry; I am well taken care of here. It’s the best place to be right now for me.”

Of course, I believed my man. I also thought that it was better than letting him stay alone in our shared apartment.

When COVID-19 Spread

 Despite knowing that the lockdown would go past the month of March, I kept calling the airline, asking them if they could squeeze me in any flight to the US any sooner. Sadly, I never got a positive response. I became more frantic to go home when I learned that there was already a positive case in my boyfriend’s hospital. There could not possibly be anyone more immunocompromised than him at that point due to all the drugs trying to kill his cancer cells.

Then, the news that I dreaded to hear the most came. On April 1st, my boyfriend contracted the coronavirus. No one could fathom how it happened or if my boyfriend acquired it on the way to the treatment area, but everyone could tell that my boyfriend got it bad.

Source: pexels.com

On the third day, the nurses had to put oxygen on my boyfriend because he found it too hard to breathe. On the seventh day, he passed away.

Counseling Check

You could not imagine how much I cried when I found out about my boyfriend’s passing. I did not even get to see him before he passed away; I did not get to say goodbye to the love of my life. And when I returned to the US, he was already nothing but ashes.

I had to take a year off work to deal with my grief. It was so hard for me to accept that my boyfriend, who I saw myself marrying someday, would die that fast. We had so many plans together; we wanted to grow old in each other’s arms. When this coronavirus came, it took everything away from us.

I would never be proud of it, but I would have to admit that there were times, especially during my isolation, that I wanted to die and be with my man. I didn’t know how because I would never agree to suicide, but I no longer saw reason to live. It did not help that I found a box containing what seemed to be an engagement ring while I was boxing up my boyfriend’s stuff in the apartment.

Source: pexels.com

I only had a change of heart when my boyfriend’s counselor sister, with who I became close over the years, visited me. I told her how I had been living my life since her brother’s passing, and she looked offended. She said that my boyfriend would be sad wherever he was if he could see me because I was wasting my life.

Moving On

My boyfriend’s sister wasted no time signing me up for counseling. She apparently gave me enough time to grieve and heal on my own. However, since the last year, all I did was suffer without healing, so I did not get to move on with ease.

The more I succumbed to counseling, the more I felt better and got to accept my loss.


Frequently Asked Questions About Emotion Regulation Skills

Anger, sadness, anxiety, and fear are some of the emotions that anyone may find difficult to handle. But coping with the loss of a loved one can be among the most daunting things a person may have to go through. Although upset and death are natural life occurrences, no one comes prepared for when it happens. It can lead to long periods of sadness that can lead to depression and other mental health problems. 

Source: pexels.com

Different people deal with loss differently. In 1969, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross said five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Since each grieves differently, these stages do not necessarily happen in order. Moreover, some people may not go through all of them. 

Emotions are strong stimuli that can heavily impact our self-esteem and relationships. Emotional regulation is a mix of temperament and learned behavior. It understands what your emotions are and knowing that you can control and regulate them.

Honing emotion regulation skills improves the internal dialogue we have with ourselves, perceiving lapses in emotional regulation as part of the skill-building process rather than failure. Even for people who don’t have diagnosed psychological conditions, knowing how to regulate emotions is a skill that can improve our quality of life. 

Here are some frequently asked questions about emotion regulation and how practicing it can be helpful for you: 

What is emotional regulation skills?

Emotional regulation skills demonstrate a person’s ability to understand, manage, and respond to an emotional experience. It is exercised through the ability to control emotions in a way that wouldn’t elicit stress or tension, both internally and externally. These skills influence one’s emotional coping strategies in various social situations that naturally arise in daily life.

Emotional regulation helps process emotion-provoking stimuli in a mindful and socially-appropriate manner to gain clarity and good judgment when making decisions and taking action.

What are emotion regulation strategies?

Emotion regulation strategies are tools and techniques that help individuals manage and process emotions to minimize stress. These strategies come in handy when choosing how to respond and act on a particular emotional experience or social situation. These strategies can help an individual cope with difficult or unpleasant situations in day-to-day life.

Emotion regulation strategies can aid in better decision-making, positive behavior and emotions, mindfulness, and overall well-being.

What are DBT emotion regulation skills?

Emotion regulation skills are one of the four skills that make up Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). The other three DBT skills are interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and mindfulness skills.

The emotion regulation skills in DBT focuses on recognizing and accepting emotions, especially the painful or unpleasant ones. It involves acknowledging all emotions, positive or negative, to develop healthy coping mechanisms and better emotional responses to everyday life situations.

Why is emotion regulation important?

Our emotions can largely influence our thoughts, behaviors, and decisions, so emotion regulation has a crucial role in everyday life. It helps minimize stress and enhances mental well-being and overall health.

Emotions are like a compass that guides us to make decisions and actions to keep stress, tension, and regret at bay. Emotion regulation can lead to positive relationships with self and others, independence, resilience, productivity, and happiness.

What causes poor emotional regulation?

Various factors cause poor emotional regulation. Individuals diagnosed with mental health conditions like a borderline personality disorder, clinical depression,  post-traumatic stress disorder, and anxiety can have poor emotional regulation. Excessive fear, anxiety, anger, and sadness can cause this, as well.

Addiction is also associated with weak emotional regulation because it affects behavior and self-control. Lastly, temperament and attachment styles are two underlying characteristics that can provoke it as well.

What does emotional regulation look like?

Emotional regulation is knowing how to control emotions in any given social situation, whether positive or negative. It is portrayed through a calm and mindful disposition that can navigate effectively through heightened emotions, usually brought by daily challenges and interactions. Not everyone is raised to be good at it. However, emotional regulation is a skill that can be learned and honed through practice.

What are good coping skills?

Good coping skills are ones that help bring out the best in you. They are techniques and habits built over time that positively impact one’s mental health and overall well-being. There are various coping skills that one can learn and adapt to overcome daily stressors and problems. Some of these include meditating, engaging in physical activities, honing hobbies, eating healthy, reading, taking mental breaks, and maintaining friendships.

What are coping skills for stress?

Coping skills for stress help keep the mind and body calm amidst any situation that may arise. Journaling, meditation, and breathwork are practical ways to check-in with your emotions and gain more mindfulness. Honing hobbies, engaging in spirituality, and doing physical activities can also help alleviate stress.

There are many quick-fix ways to cope with stress, but building a well-balanced, stress-friendly lifestyle for you is a long-term solution that can be nurtured through daily habits and routines. It includes learning and incorporating time-management, proper communication, good nutrition, and self-care.

What are 5 emotional signs of stress?

Anxiety, irritability or restlessness, lack of focus and motivation, impulsive behavior, and burnout are five emotional signs of stress. Sometimes, these things can be happening to you unknowingly. It is best to be aware of such emotional signs of stress so you can act on them to avoid spiraling down.

Source: pickpik.com

How can I reduce stress hormones?

A practical way to reduce stress hormones is by taking care of your mind and body by getting the right amount of sleep, exercising, having a balanced diet, hydrating, finding ways to relax and enjoy, and building good relationships. Doing meditation and practicing mindfulness is also beneficial in reducing stress hormones.

What foods help with stress?

Some foods keep cortisol (stress hormone) levels low, such as whole-grain bread, oatmeal, oranges, green or black tea, nuts (pistachios and almonds), avocados, spinach, fatty fish, and dark chocolate. On the other hand, avoid food with added sugar, alcohol, excess caffeine, and processed food.

What is the best medicine for stress?

Self-compassion is the best natural remedy for stress. When you have self-compassion, you can give your mind and body the love and care it deserves. Self-compassion includes getting enough sleep and the right nutrition and finding quality time for hobbies and other activities that allow you to connect with yourself and others.

How can I calm myself quickly?

One quick way to release some tension is to pause for a moment, close your eyes, and take 5-10 slow, deep breaths.  Through this, you get to take a step back and understand how you’re responding to your surroundings. It is a brief moment that can also allow you to recalibrate your response or mindset to overcome the stressors and enter a calm and collected state.

How can I relax my stressed mind?

Therapeutic activities can help relax a stressed mind. Allot some time for therapeutic activities such as gardening, decluttering, reading, taking a walk, baking, and the like. Find an activity that can be an outlet for you to connect with yourself and feel your best. Getting off gadgets and social media may also help with relaxing and unclogging the mind.

How do I stop my brain from overthinking?

Gaining self-awareness is crucial in avoiding overthinking. Take a moment to scan through your thoughts and recognize how these thoughts are affecting your emotions. Challenge your thoughts, and remember that you can take control of these thoughts by shifting your mindset. Practicing meditation and mindfulness can also help you stay present through every breath instead of allowing your mind to worry about things in the past and future.

Lastly, keep looking for solutions instead of dwelling on your worries and problems. With the right mindset, a growth mindset, you are capable of learning and improving on yourself.

Source: pexels.com

We all feel emotions, which are an integral part of our lives that influence and guide our actions. Struggling with anger, fear, and sadness is something that everyone experiences. During childhood, our parents will teach us the basics of emotional regulation. Improving this skill takes coaching and feedback from adults and guardians. Unfortunately, not everyone has (or had) the ideal support system growing up. 

The loss of a loved one can be a challenging obstacle to overcome. It can make the development of emotion regulation skills an even tougher battle. Abuse or trauma may also stunt the growth of someone’s ability to self-soothe and regulate emotions.

Unlike small children, adults are expected to regulate their emotions and act according to what is socially acceptable. People attach emotion regulation to personality rather than treat emotion regulation as a skill that is built upon. 

It is important to remember that managing feelings are a skill that constantly develops throughout our lives. Experiencing difficulties and struggles are part of the process of skill-building. We can practice mindfulness and the ability to reassess situations and the emotions that correspond to them.

Having good emotional regulation skills is a building block to a more resilient and happier self. It can foster smooth relationships with others and bring balance overall. 

Expressing Care To The World Amid A Pandemic

The world seems to be at war since the beginning of 2020, but the enemies are not the terrorist groups that we have all heard about before. No, the main antagonist is the coronavirus, which has taken over 380,000 lives across the globe. More than six million people continue to try to fight the disease at the time of this writing, and their numbers continue to rise, thus causing everyone to dub the situation as a pandemic. 

Unfortunately, no scientist has been quick enough to come up with an antidote for this global problem. Many are suffering, even if they do not have the virus. The only things that we can do to express how much we care for the world are the following:

Source: pixabay.com

Donate To Different Causes

The first thing you should put on your list of agendas is giving donations. Ever since the pandemic began, various organizations stepped up and asked people for help on behalf of those who lost their jobs or loved ones. You can pick at least one cause that you connect with the most and offer your assistance to the less-fortunate folks through financial means.

Send Food To Frontline Workers

Nurses, doctors, police officers, and other frontline workers have been working day and night due to the coronavirus outbreak. Some of them make sure that no one roams the streets and puts themselves at risk of catching the virus. Others stay at the hospitals to look after the COVID-19 patients.

Source: pixabay.com

All of them are putting their lives on the line by serving the country and its people. Given that we cannot take over their jobs and let them rest for a bit, the best we can do is to send them nutritious foods. Doing so ensures that there is always a hot meal waiting for them, and they don’t need to worry about it while working.

Wear Protective Items

Caring for the world can only happen when you care for your well-being and other people’s. It is forbidden to comfort strangers with a hug to express that, so you should do it instead by wearing protective items when you go out.

Source: pixabay.com

I am talking about a mask, face shield, disposable gloves, long sleeves—the whole works. It guarantees that you have as little exposed skin as possible, thus making it almost impossible for the coronavirus to infect you. And when you are safe, it entails that everyone you interact with will not get COVID-19 because of you.

Avoid Going Out For Non-Essential Reasons

Many countries issued a lockdown order not too long ago. Almost every business in the cities had to shut down, except for pharmacies, supermarkets, and a few restaurants that offered foods on the go. They went through this measure to discourage the citizens from going out and mingling with each other, which increases the risk of coronavirus spread.

Source: pixabay.com

In solidarity with your country, you should do as the government says and stay at home. You can still go to the establishments mentioned above, yes, but try to make your visits as infrequent as possible. For instance, if you used to buy several grocery items every day, fill your shopping cart with everything you need for an entire week or three. This way, you can avoid getting exposed to the possibly undetected virus carriers out there.

Final Thoughts

It is crazy to realize how much the world has changed in a short time. We have barely passed the first quarter of the year, and yet a lot of businesses are either struggling or already filing for bankruptcy. Worse, many have perished due to this pandemic. 

Express your care to the world now more than ever.  

Forgiving The Bad

Here is a bit of news that is going to be hard for people reading this to swallow. There is no reason at all for you to be angry at the deceased. They could have been the worst person without a shred of doubt, but you must learn to forgive because you will never be able to settle whatever transgressions that hurt your relationship. This article is going to cover how to embrace misdeeds that can hurt you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. However, we must stress that to forgive the dead entirely you need to all four of these for any issue as we will show. This is why we are going to cover the same misdeeds in every one of the four categories so that you can do so yourself.

Source: oprah.com

Forgiving Mentally

*Left In Time Of Need

This is the hardest to forgive mentally because that breaks the bond of family and doubly so when in most cases you have always been there in their time of need. You could not let yourself get angry at the dead for such reasons especially if you were there. Remember, “The strength of forgiveness has been shown to have a powerful buffering effect on stress. Those who are highly forgiving of themselves and others have a far less chance of having a mental illness.” Ryan M. Niemiec Psy.D. said.

*Repeatedly Broken Your Heart

Well, the only way to mentally heal is to move on. I know that it can be hard to have emotions for someone who does not have those emotions back, but that is life. Another fact of life, there are thousands of fish in the sea.

Source: Mercator.net

*Died Without A Belief

The types of the mental gymnast to get upset by someone else’s faith is on par to the athletism required to forgive someone of the same deed. In short, you are on your own in this one mentally, but more often than not you are not too troubled with this.

*Attempt To Kill You/Your Family

Understand that if they are dead instead of you, then that must have meant that a miracle happened. Understand as well that “Not all people who have thoughts of suicide end up acting on those thoughts. But for those who do, generally there is deep emotional pain combined with a belief that things will never improve.” says Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC.

Forgiving Emotionally

*Left In Time Of Need

Now as long as you did not stop helping them and that has something to do with their death then emotionally forgiving someone is easy. All of the feelings towards the person (hatred, disappointment, etc.) should evaporate when you think of that person no longer being on this Earth.

Source: davidclements.me

*Repeatedly Broken Your Heart

This is the hardest to forgive emotionally because it opens cracks for trust issues to leak into your relationship. The best advice that I can give is to remember that not everyone is the same. If you meet any guys who reminded you of the last one, then move on or switch teams for a while.

*Died Without A Belief

The same thing I said about forgiving someone mentally can be applied here as well.

*Attempt To Kill You/Your Family

Confide in your family about what happened. I am sure their advice alone will help you forgive you would be murderer emotionally.

Forgiving Spiritually

*Left In Time Of Need

Plainly say a prayer and hope for the best. Your religious book of choice will help here.

*Repeatedly Broken Your Heart

Unless otherwise stated let us just assume that all you must do spiritually is say a prayer.

*Died Without A Belief

This is something that cannot just be forgiven quickly in this regard. Due to all the types of religions in the world, I am sure your book covers what happens to nonbelievers.

Forgiving Physically

*Left In Time Of Need

Many of these misdeeds will not believe any physical scars, so all you needed to do is not get hit during your arguments.

*Repeatedly Broken Your Heart

Well as long as they did not literally break your hurt then it is possible to forgive them.

*Died Without A Belief

Just take a peek at what I said about solving this issue emotionally to find the solution here.

“Spiritual wellness is related to your values and beliefs that help you find meaning and purpose in your life. Spiritual wellness may come from activities such as volunteering, self-reflection, meditation, prayer, or spending time in nature.” –Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC


Keeping Memories Untainted

Source: hellogiggles.com

Perhaps someone owned you a lot of money before they died? Or the worst case scenario they had a corpse that was burnt or disfigured to the point where they had to have a close casket. All of these things and more we would never wish on a single individual, but we cannot pretend as it is implausible. In fact, acting like it did not is one of the fastest ways to have a memory of a loved one become tainted. Rather you are trying to untaint a memory or avoid it then this blog is going to have some helpful information for you either way.

“Spiritual wellness is related to your values and beliefs that help you find meaning and purpose in your life. Spiritual wellness may come from activities such as volunteering, self-reflection, meditation, prayer, or spending time in nature.” –Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC

Ways To Forgive Quickly

*Think About The Good

Take times to remember all of the good things about what they did in their life; all of their accomplishments or accolades that they fulfil in their life. If they were young, then think about all of the things that they wanted to do with their time on Earth.

*Ask How Other Feel

If you are struggling to conjure up any good memories then maybe talking to others will help. While the best time is after the funeral, anytime when you are ready is just as good too. Do not ask for the good memories but just try to see what comes into everyone head who is trying to make you feel better.

“If you are struggling with low self-esteem, it is encouraged that you seek some type of help and support to work through this issue, and to help you be the best version of yourself that you can be.” –Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D.

Source: prevention.com

*Write/Say A Prayer

One of the best exercises for anger is to write a fake letter. Well, the same can be true of grief as well. Just write a letter to them as if they were alive. Sure they won’t read it, but it is that last goodbye that matters more often than not. The same goes when you decide to pray for someone oddly enough.

*Take Up A Habit

Habits are for the worst cases, but maybe you need to do something that takes your mind off of it. Anything will do but the more that you are absorbed into it then, the greater recommendation that you will get from me.

Ways To Remember Fondly

*Visit The Grave

No matter what memories you have of the Fallen, you know where they lie at the end of the day. They are in the grave now and are not coming back. Just take a moment and realise that your tainted memories are for not.

Source: militaryhistorytravel.org

*Look At The Picture

Peek at the pictures if your memories aren’t reliable enough to bring back some good times. The pictures tell you how someone was like but since most are ruined with the words, “Say Cheese”, we have lost all genuine emotions from pictures. Candid photos are some of the best and try to take them as often as possible. Who cares if you end up with a few that shows them upset or sad? Those emotions all come to par with this wonderful experience we call life.

“Acknowledge and accept the feelings: The first step is to learn to bring the feeling out.” -Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD

*Keep A Keepsake

A little memento never hurt anyone as this can range from any gift that this person ever gave you. Most of the time the best mementoes are those that are passed from one generation to the next.

Share And Dream

Now the final step to forgive someone is to make sure that you share the good things about them to everyone. Sharing is not limited to just the family member but not limited to strangers as well. Think about it in a way that they can usually flow into a conversation just like you would have done if they were alive. Don’t let the fact that just because your loved one rests in the grave so must their spirt.

Your Self-Therapy Guide To Overcoming Grief

Denial, anger, depression, and grief are the universal emotions that we elicit when facing the death of a loved one. Losing someone we love allows us to lament and sometimes we even resort to some alone time to let everything sink in. However, grieving too much can bring forth adverse effects on the quality of life that we have. Grieving is, in fact, one way to overcome the sadness and allow the person to gather their experience and move on. Positive grieving provides closure and acceptance of the unwanted event. Nonetheless, some have succumbed to the effects of depression and drowned themselves in excessive mourning, eventually losing their productivity in life.

Source: pixabay.com

To spare ourselves from the negative upshots of mourning, we have to make sure that we still have a stronghold of reality. There are therapeutic ways on how we can go through the process of grieving that will help us overcome the sadness within without compromising our emotional and mental health condition. This article will provide practical ways to help oneself in overwhelming grief. As explained by Janeen Herskovitz, MA, LMHC, “Everyone reacts differently to grief, and how one reacts has a great deal to do with what happened and whether they’ve dealt with it appropriately.”

Therapeutic Ways

Create a routine. If you feel that the situation is starting to make you feel alone, you might consider creating a routine wherein you will still be able to perform your usual activities of daily living, especially self-care like personal grooming and attending to your physical needs. By doing so, you establish a constant pattern of reminding yourself that you still have things that need your attention as you preoccupy your mind with activities and will refrain yours from overthinking.

Set your goals. The death of someone might make us feel like dying too because of the unbearable pain that we are experiencing. However, this should not be the case. You must set goals of surpassing this ordeal. Setting goals could aid and assist in alleviating these frustrating feelings or circumstances. Planning or making a head start can increase your productivity enabling you to achieve the goals set forth.

Source: pixabay.com

You are only sad, but not paralyzed. Exercise triggers the body to release endorphins that are responsible for activating the receptors in the brain that cause us to feel lighter and happy. “Exercising regularly is one of the easiest and most effective ways to reduce the symptoms of ADHD. Exercise has been shown to improve concentration, motivation, memory, and mood. ” says Staci Lee Schnell, MS, CS, LMFT. It enables the person to have a good mood, feel better towards self, and have a good night’s rest.

Food is life. When a person is depressed, it’s either they eat too much or not eat at all. Either way, the practice can lead to detrimental effects. Remember to eat correctly and not to neglect your body from nourishment. It’s not the end of the world for you, so quit feeling sorry for yourself.

Recharge and sleep. A rested mind is a healthy mind, so get some sleep! Sleeping does not only replenish the lost vibrancy and dynamism of the body but also relaxes it from the hard day’s work. It facilitates recuperation of tissues from the wear and tear of the day. Getting some sleep also enables the mind to rest, thus allowing it to analyze and recognize things better and clearer.

Source: pixabay.com

Memorialize Your Loved One. When you commemorate the life of your dearly departed, feelings of appreciation and happiness override the feelings of sadness. Remember how the person lived and the pleasant things or activities that you did together when he/she was still alive. By remembering the good times, you will also feel contentment and the realization that the person has lived a significant life can help console you. Note that “Each person’s experience of grief is unique, so it’s unlikely that any one individual’s experience will be the same as another’s.” Lindsay Henderson, Psy.D. said.

Knowing these, we are reminded that grieving can be a therapy for us to be able to accept the reality of death. It should not be the other way around. Healing should be the product of grieving, which will enable us to move forward with faith and hope.

Seeking Psychiatric Help for Disenfranchised Grief

Grieving becomes more consoling with the presence of a support system; it becomes more bearable knowing that the people around you are aware of the emotional battle that you have to deal with. It somehow assures you that the people around you will understand your sadness.

Source: pixabay.com

Ryan Parks, M.Ed, LPCC used to say that “Our society tells us that if you talk about your issues, express your feelings, or even verbalize you have a mental health disorder, you must be “weak.”.” However, this is not the case for people who are undergoing disenfranchised grief wherein the society does not acknowledge the pain that someone has to go through or been going through. 

The social acceptance of sadness is only entitled to the immediate family members, but to those who are not welcomed to the life of the person, they will just be contended on the unacknowledged grief like a wall has been erected to cover up the misery.

Death of an ex-lover, someone you look up to or even the death of your pet can be very painful for some; however, society sees these situations as illegitimate or unnatural because there is no personal attachment or the degree of relationship is far different from a legitimate and immediate familial relationship. 

Disenfranchised grief is like an unbranded sorrow that no matter how you show your emotions, nobody will honor it and see any reason for you to mourn at all. The emotional dilemma that you have to go through with this kind of grief can affect your life as well. This unrecognized mourning may even result in more severe emotional and psychological issues, because the person going through this has no stable support system making the person feel abandoned and misunderstood by the rest of the group. The sadness may even lead to depression and may disrupt the disposition of the person. Undertsand that “Grief is a part of life we must embrace. Many people are grieving, feeling alone and overwhelmed. It’s important to remember that tears are like small messengers of unspeakable, indescribable love.” Debbie Augenthaler, LMHC, NCC said.

source: pexels.com

When a person conceals the sorrow, it can be like a dormant volcano waiting to erupt and spew detrimental and noxious emotional disturbances.

You Do Not Have To Grieve Alone

“When people are given a supportive environment and a safe relationship, they can let down their guard and heal.”  Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD explained. Despite the unrecognized grief that you might have or will be having, you have to remind yourself that you do not have to carry the burden all by yourself. Seeking psychiatric assistance can help you deal with the situation. Sometimes all we need to have is someone who will listen to us. Confiding your emotions to a psychiatrist will help you release the pain you have been carrying inside your heart. Psychiatric counseling can be your support system for you to be able to go through the complete process of grieving. This can be a better avenue for you when you start talking about the person or your pet without the feeling of being judged along the way. Psychiatrists can assist and provide you the right coping skills to overcome depression and give yourself the right to mourn.

Source: pixabay.com

You can find a psychiatrist in your location by searching on the internet. Sometimes they also accept telephonic and brief talk, but it is best if you set an appointment and meet with the psychiatrist personally.

Other forms of obtaining psychiatric help are through online counseling. If you have a stable internet connection, a tablet or smartphone, then you are good to go. Some of these online services are free while high-end psychiatric consultations may require some form of payment.

Whatever method you choose, talking with a mental health professional is your best option to help you express your grief and move on.

What I Learned From #TOTGA

All of us have met someone along the way who has left a significant impact on our lives. Someone who we thought we could be with us for a lifetime. This someone could be that “ex’ you have spent almost ten years with or maybe just for a few months. On the other hand, it could also be that someone you did not even have any labels with but had intimate feelings for each other. However, you just woke up one day finding out that they are no longer in your life.

Source: pixabay.com

Destiny has its undertaking, it has led us taking separate paths, and all we know was that someone who could be the one, your ultimate partner in life is now just a piece of memory in your mind. In social media euphemism, they are the one that got away or written in this manner – #TOTGA.

Often, the “what ifs” in our lives pertain to the one that got away. We sometimes find ourselves in the silence of the night thinking about the chances that we could have had with this person. I was not spared from this missed chance, hearing people say, “How come you did not end up together, I thought you were an item” or “You are perfect for each other.”

Remembering these statements made me ask myself if I let chance slipped away. For quite some time, I have pondered on this, why do we always look for the one and then we just let them move away. Does having someone that got away means the person we have now is not the one for us. Having thought of this, made me feel guilty that I might hurt the person I am with, I might be cheating on him in thoughts. During finding the existence of the one that got away, I have come to realize a lesson that #TOTGA has in my life. It made me realize essential takeaways that I can live by.

Falling In Love Is Always Taking Risks

Title: Inserting image...

Source: flickr.com

    #TOTGA made me accept that in love, you must take the risk or else you will never know if it is worth fighting for. If only I took the risk back then I could have made the chance to see if the person was the one or just another lesson in life. Then again, since I did not, he remains that person that just passed through my life.

Meant For Each Other

    #TOTGA has taught me that the people who are destined to be part of your life will gravitate back to you. Fate has this mysterious thing where all things fall in the right place, or it may have other plans for each of us.

Life Lessons

Title: Inserting image...

Source: pxhere.com

    #TOTGA helped me to accept things as they are and do not regret the mishaps that life may bring, somewhat thankful for the lessons it has brought along the way. Finally, the experience has taught me to value and cherish the person I will end up with because he might be the right partner for me to be with all this time.

We always question our life experiences, be it happy or sad involvements. At my age and present situation, I have realized that it is best to accept and face the music rather than contemplate hard on why things should turn out not the way we wanted it to be.

Blogs That Help You Deal With Relationship Problems

Frequently, girls tend to seek advice for their romantic problems and dilemma. The familiar advisers are her girlfriends and close friends, but some find the expertise from counselors and professionals. With the expansion of the digital technology and the accessibility of the internet, there are numerous blogs and online articles that discuss different ways on how to cope, top things to look for, suggestions on how to handle, and many other aspects that can affect a relationship. The following blogs and websites are credible in this aspect.

Source: pixabay.com


This blog talks about anything and everything that has to with relationships. It contains advice how to understand your partner, how to handle breakups, tips on dating and many more. You will able to find something useful in this blog.


If you need basics on dating, then you better check out this blog. This will suit best for people who are not in a relationship yet looking forward to acing the dating game. It will teach you about the pros and cons of dating as well as give out good relationship advice.


There are videos on this blog that you can watch to help your relationship. This blog is for those who have relationship problems but still want to stay together. It showcases unpopular opinions which will broaden your understanding of relationships. The blog has an interactive feature that allows sharing of advice from the content creators and audience.


Dating, as it, is quite daunting. This site generally targets lesbian dating and relationships. It gives out tips and trick of the trades specifically on this group.


If you are in a long relationship, romance and fun are hard to maintain. This blog is about how to keep your ties burning or how to get back to the excitement just like in your first moments together.

Source: pixabay.com


This blog is run by real-life couples Susie and Otto Collins who are relationship experts. Mostly, it talks about ways how to keep the spark in a relationship, how to reconcile after a fight and some tips and tricks on dating.


If you have trust issues, commitment issues or just wondering how to solve these issues, then this blog is for you. Everything that is written in this blog comes from the heart so most likely you can relate to the content of the blog.


In general, rearing children is a full-time job. For some, they juggle careers and family life while it is doable. It is common to lose track and neglect certain aspects of your life. The relationships between couples take the back seat over the needs of the family. Through this website, the readers gain insights about being the best possible parents while maintaining the excellent foundation of the family which is the relationship of the parents.


An essential factor to consider upon entering a relationship is that you are genuinely happy with the person you are sharing it with. This site focuses on different ways to improve your communication with your partner. Also, it is recommended for women who have difficulty resolving their problems in the relationship.


Breakups are not easy especially if it is your first time. All the advice about focusing on yourself and how you are fabulous seems futile. This blog will give you innovative and nonconventional ways to get over your ex and deal with a devastating broken heart.