Dealing With A Fresh Loss

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Now it is easy to discuss how to address a loss when someone had a month to deal with it mentally but death, just as birth, can be sudden and unexpected. This blog is for people who are dealing with a recent loss or know that a loved one is only a few days away from their deathbed. No scenario is more preferential than the other as we would not wish either on our worst enemy or sweetest of friends. Now while every situation is different, we feel the need to say that this is very general advice as if you feel you require more information after reading this article then it is best to ask a family member/doctor. 

Plan/Attend The Funeral 

Planning the funeral is something that is easier said than done and there is one exception. If it is a close casket, then my heart goes out to you and respect whatever decision that you made. In any other cases just think about all the parents who will never get to see that loved one anymore. While some of the worst types of people may look at funerals as one giant pity party, it is so much more. These are the people that come here in your hour of need and shed tears alongside you. 

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The emotional support that you get when you attend the funerals is worth more than any gold. Sure it will not help at the moment, but at night when you are struggling to catch some shut eye then that is when it helps. The last thing that you want is nightmares about how you weren’t able to be at their side while they passed.

Take The Comfort 

As we stated previously on taking comfort in people, the emotion support is a boon and should never get turned down. A fair amount of people will visit you to talk about how your loved one died, and this only will finalise for you. The last thing that you want to do here is ignoring the cards, hugs, and friendly faces because in three months they won’t be there. Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD used to say, “When people are given a supportive environment and a safe relationship, they can let down their guard and heal.”

Get Alone Time 

A cold-hearted person will tell you that taking some alone time is selfish. You could even get worst from people telling you that such time is even unhealthy. How can anyone say that with a straight face? The people who do never must have had someone who was a significant influence in their life just suddenly snatch from them without so much as a notice. What if this person is all you find yourself thinking/dreaming/crying about? Now I would go on a limb to say that this is even more unhealthy. “When you miss someone, you need to process it,” says Gregory Kushnick, PsyD.

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Now how long and what you decide to do in your alone time is entirely up to you. I enjoy my showers at my leisure, but wood work and writing are all good things to occupy your free time. Just make sure that you do not allow anyone to dictate how you spend your life because of at least your escape isn’t drugs or illegal. 

Don’t Tear For Years 

Try to get all those tears out because a few years down the line people may toss you a funny face if you burst into tears. Here is the cold water, your tears will not bring them back, and it is not what they wanted. The last thing that someone thinks about when they die is how many people will cry from them. In fact, no one ever thought this on their deathbeds. Compare this to the millions who asked their love one not to will show the scales here. Hopefully, if you are experiencing a death in your family that this contained some useful advice.

Tips On Getting Over Grief After Losing Your Pet

Be it a cat, a puppy, a goldfish, or a turtle, having a pet will change your life. Whenever you go home, you will notice your pet’s presence at once. Puppies or cats can walk around your feet as if they are welcoming your arrival. On bad days, pets are also considered some of the best counselors there is.

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Pets seem to understand what you’re going through, without judging you or your life in general. Pets appreciate you as you are, and in their eyes, you are the best person in the world.

You can’t seem to imagine living your life the same way without your fiercely loyal and endearing pet. When your beloved pet passes away, you’re at a loss. You don’t know how you will look at their toys or even their feeding bowl without tearing up. You feel empty because you consider your pet as a part of your family already. Thus, it is hard for many people to get over the loss of their pet easily.

If you have recently lost your pet, here are some proven ways you can get over your grief and start over again.

Give Yourself Time

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Grieving is a process. “Everyone grieves differently; there is no right or wrong way and there is no schedule.” Ashley Curiel, PsyD explains. The length of grieving also varies from one person to another. You cannot tell when you are going to be okay. It entirely depends on your circumstances and how well you adapt to your situation.

You have to give yourself time to understand everything that happened over the past few weeks or months. Thus, it is perfectly understandable to feel shocked, angry, or confused. You may even question why this had to happen to you, of all people. If you need time to cry everything out for a day, do it. While grieving, you should be kind to yourself. Don’t rush to get well. Acknowledge every emotion.

Commemorate Your Pet’s Life

“Pets provide unconditional love and support, and are your companion day and night. The loss of this intense bond can be confusing and destabilizing.” Tony Rousmaniere, PsyD said. One of the critical stages of getting over your grief and accepting the loss of your pet is to commemorate your pet’s life. Remembering pets is a fitting closure to your pet’s death.

There are several ways you can achieve this goal. First, you can create an online blog dedicated to your pet. You can write about the good memories you have with your pet. In doing this, you are making your pet’s memories alive forever.

You can also hold a memorial service for your pet in your backyard. You can invite other family members and even give a short eulogy in memory of your pet. In addition, a little tombstone on top of your pet’s burial site is a nice touch as well. After this, you may feel that you have given your pet a dignified and well-deserved farewell.

Get Outdoors

Depression can numb any affected person. Some people with depression will want to stay indoors with the desire to rot away. If you are feeling this, combat it by going outdoors. Physical activity can work wonders on your mood. In addition, inhaling fresh air can also invigorate your senses. According to Andrea Bonior, PhD, clinical psychologist “Whether you suffer from seasonal affective disorder or not, the evidence is strong that getting outside just for a little bit can be very helpful.”

Seek Other People Who Also Lost Their Pets

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People who lost their pets can also act as a support group. These pet owners also went through the same emotions as you. They could give you tips to help you get over your situation.

Go For Counseling

If you observe that you are beginning to engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms, another option you can go for is to go for counseling. You might be prescribed medication if you are having trouble sleeping or you are already harming yourself. You may also have to undergo talk therapy where you can process your negative emotions.

Losing a beloved pet can be life-shattering. You may feel that you sacrificed a part of yourself when your pet departed. However, there is still hope. While it is normal to grieve and feel deep sadness whenever you reminisce about your pet, you should keep in mind that things will get better in time. There are healthy coping mechanisms you can use during your grieving period. You can go out and engage in physical activities outdoors, seek the help of fellow pet owners, commemorate and immortalize your pet, and go for counseling. All these methods prove to be useful in getting over your grief after losing your pet

Depression Vs Complicated Grief: An Analysis

The loss of a family member or any loved one can be a tragic experience. With that, many emotions combine within an individual which usually results in emotional turmoil. Some people may call it grief while others might refer to it as depression.

There is always an interchange between these two concepts. However, it is crucial to know the difference between depression and complicated grief so that the person can get the appropriate clinical treatment and support needed for their condition. As Karla Helbert, LPC, E-RYT, C-IAYT explains, “In grief and trauma, we find ourselves in many moments where, try as we might, we cannot alleviate our own discomfort and pain. This can cause us to feel worse about ourselves.” And she’s right with that.

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief (CG), also known as persistent complex bereavement disorder, is stronger and more severe than normal grief. Anyone can feel CG as a natural response to the loss of a loved one. However, many people with this condition undergo the stages of grieving for months—even years.

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CG does not correlate with any biological causes. But there is an association with the environment, genetic composition, personality, and body chemistry of a person. Although grieving is a normal process, experiencing CG for a long time can cause several severe symptoms which may worsen the quality of life of an individual. Some of these symptoms include the following:

  • Inability to have fun and smile
  • Loss of motivation or purpose to do anything
  • Feeling a wide range of emotions
  • Heightened reminiscing of the lost loved one
  • Powerful pain when thinking about the loss
  • Loss of trust in the people around you
  • Neglect of proper hygiene

Depression

Depression, on the other hand, is a type of clinical condition which can be a source of death if untreated. Experiencing this might not have a particular source. In addition, some symptoms might be present in some days and absent in other days. “Depression is a serious and tricky illness. Unfortunately, it can also go unrecognized for a long period of time” Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC adds.

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A professional will diagnose a person with depression if he or she shows a combination of symptoms, with each one of them present almost every day. The following symptoms are the criteria for diagnosis:

  • Constant feeling of irritability
  • Significant weight loss because of loss in appetite
  • Sleeping too much or sleeping too little
  • A sense of guilt and worthlessness
  • Difficulty in concentrating
  • Constant thoughts of suicide and death
  • Sluggish movements

What Sets Them Apart

There is a huge overlap between depression and complicated grief. Several symptoms in CG are the same with those of depression. Some examples of these include intense sadness, constant irritability, and excessive focus on the feeling of sadness.

The major difference between these two is that in CG, the individual can point out what prompted the grief. In most cases, this stems from the loss of a loved one. In depression, however, a person might not be able to point out what caused his or her sadness. They might not even be able to determine the exact time when they felt these waves of gloom.

Those with depression have more thoughts of committing suicide. Although the same twisted ideas usually visit people with CG, it will not occur as often as compared to those experiencing depression. In addition, people with depression think of dying as a way to escape the pain and sadness they feel while those with CG usually have thoughts of death since they want to reunite with their deceased loved one.

Lastly, CG results in a wide range of complicated emotions. However, those with depression usually feel stuck and have the same persisting feelings.

Proper Treatment

Professionals usually recommend therapy, specifically complicated grief therapy (CGT), to treat CG. CGT requires the individual to tell stories of his or her loved one’s death repeatedly for the emotions to cope with reality and pain. This treatment also guides an individual on how to rebuild his or her relationships and reach his or her goals.

“Therapy is often necessary to help those left behind understand why their loved one took this action. It can be difficult to resolve feelings of grief and anger without professional help.” Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC said. But despite the availability of therapies, most people who have experienced CG do not recommend seeking treatment instantly. Rather, these bereaved people should try to look first for individual and group supports to help him or her cope with their complicated grief. If this strategy does not pan out in a month or two, that is the time one should ask the help of a professional.

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On the other hand, those with depression should undergo either psychotherapy or medication—even both. It is even more helpful to take antidepressants should the patient meet the necessary diagnostic criteria and the assigned doctor prescribe it. Antidepressants can relieve the hormone imbalances in the brain which might be contributing to the depression.

Distinguishing whether an individual is experiencing complicated grief or depression is crucial. It is critical to know for sure which kind of treatment strategy one should engage in. Seeking the help of a professional is best so that a licensed expert can properly diagnose the mental health status of an individual. There might be further complications if the diagnosis is wrong.

Separation Anxiety And Grief

We think that separation anxiety only happens when it’s the first day of our child’s school or maybe his first field trip. It is hard for us, parents, to accept the distance, and we worry too much and sometimes, get too emotional. However, life calls us to be away from each other in some instances, and we need to acknowledge and accept that.

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Besides occasions that demand us to be apart from the people we love, there is another thing that could separate us, and it is permanent: death. It is inevitable, and no matter what we do, there will come a time that we will be apart from the people we love. It is unimaginable that’s why we don’t entertain these thoughts. It’s like “whatever will be, will be.” However, avoiding it could leave us off guard when it happens. What will happen if someone from our family or someone we love dies? How do we cope?

What Is Separation Anxiety?

“An anxious or angry child is in flight-or-fight mode with their body primed to handle a perceived threat.” –Carolyn Mehlomakulu, LMFT-S, ATR-BC

Separation anxiety disorder or SEPAD is the disproportionate feeling of sadness and worry when we are separated from home or from someone whom we have an emotional attachment with, like our family. It is typical for children from toddler to about eight.

SEPAD is why children cry when they go to school for the first time. Sometimes, they tend to put out uncontrollable tantrums because they are afraid to be left with people who are not familiar, but they will get used to it and start to enjoy school in time. 

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Separation anxiety can also happen in adults, but it could be much more complicated as it could be a sign of a mental health issue. It could happen when someone we love dies, and it is a dreadful thing to lose someone whom we have lived with and have emotionally attached ourselves to.

What Is Grief And What Is Complicated Grief?

Grief is a feeling of extreme sorrow over the loss of someone dear to us. It is often accompanied with disbelief and unacceptance. However, there are stages of grief, and once a person has gone through all these stages, he will find the will to start afresh. “When it’s too hard to cope with all of this alone, you might find it helpful to have someone who understands trauma and loss in your corner.” A reminder from Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD.

Complicated grief, on the other hand, lasts longer than usual.It makes a person blame himself and be resentful. He tends to isolate himself and shut the world out altogether. People with complicated grief fail to understand the loss and cannot let go. They tend to stick with what used to be, and they couldn’t see any other way to live.

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A person who has separation anxiety disorder could experience complicated grief when dealing with a loss. It is like having his biggest fear happen, and it could incapacitate and make him weak emotionally and physically. These two could start major depression and cause other medical health problems as the person could neglect help. Remember,  “Sometimes people seem to deny, to be in a daze, but these are all coping mechanisms.” Curt Drennen, PsyD, RN said.

It is crucial at this point that a person has a support system that will allow him to accept the reality that death is a part of life and there is no other way but to move on. It is also advisable that people with SEPAD and complicated grief be seen by a professional to address the issue before it could worsen and develop to other health issues such as depression.

Dealing With Grief Alone

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The word “alone” confuses and frightens many. People believe that being alone with your grief is the most terrifying thing that can happen to them since they do not know what to do with themselves when they are alone with their pain. Others prefer to be facing their grief alone as they may be feeling like no one cares or that their loved ones are not able to help them cope with their emotions. No matter whether you are the person who is scared of solitude or who embraces it, here are some ways that you can deal with grief on your own.

1. Allow Yourself to Face the Void

“Acknowledge and accept the feelings: The first step is to learn to bring the feeling out,” says Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD. The whirlwind of thoughts and emotions within your during this time of loss can be scary but they are only thoughts and emotions. Don’t be afraid to open yourself up and to acknowledge what is within you, no matter what it is. You may feel angry about your loved one’s death. You may feel absolutely nothing at all. Realize these feelings and allow yourself to experience them fully. Only once you’ve accepted your feelings will you be able to truly begin the healing process.

2. Put These Feelings Down Somewhere

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The best way to work through feelings has always been to write them down or to find a creative outlet in which to express them. If you’re a writer, start a journal that tracks your emotional status daily and pour every thought you have into it. If you’re someone who enjoys creating music, start writing songs that reflect how you feel about your loss and how you are dealing with it. No matter what creative activity you choose to do, it’s important that you find something to pour your emotions into so that they don’t remain bottled up. Lindsey Pratt Psychotherapy, LMHC says, “it’s not only the benefit of catharsis in the moment of writing that makes journaling so effective – It’s also reviewing what you’ve written.”

3. Don’t Fall Into a Rut

When you begin grieving, it is necessary to allow yourself to rest and to take a short break from the things that you normally do daily. However, making a habit of this will end up causing more harm than help. After you’ve dealt with the initial feelings that followed the loss of your loved one, make an effort to stick to the schedule that you had prior to grieving. You may not feel like doing anything at all and this is natural. You don’t have to push yourself to do everything that you used to but you should make an effort to do the important things so you don’t put yourself in a worse position mentally.

4. Put Together a Shrine or Dedicate a Space to Your Loved One

Just because your loved one isn’t physically with you doesn’t mean that you have to forget about them and remove every memory of them for your life. Instead, build a shrine or create a sacred space where you can gather some of their belongings and remind yourself of the importance that they had in your life. You may even want to go to that shrine to vent sometimes when you are having difficulty coping with the loss. However, don’t let this shrine get in the way of your grief process by making you refuse to accept the death.

5. Maintain Yourself

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“As we process the reality of our loss, we are also trying to survive emotional pain.”  That’s what Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP said. It won’t do you any good to treat your body terribly while you are already struggling emotionally. Remember to do things like eat right, exercise, groom, shower, and maintain your overall health and hygiene. Doing these things will make you feel better and will help you maintain some normality in your life while you are coping with the loss.

Sources:

http://www.amhc.org/58-grief-bereavement-issues/article/8447-coping-with-your-own-grief

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/emotionalhealth/Pages/Dealingwithloss.aspx

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/coping-loss-bereavement-and-grief

Common Symptoms of Grief

Grief, as with any emotional problem, comes with its own set of symptoms. However, these symptoms will vary from person to person depending on how they normally react and cope when faced with traumatic events. Whether you are feeling empty or you are having a difficult time getting through the day without crying, here are the common symptoms of grief that all people deal with.

Emotional Symptoms of Grief

  • Emptiness- When you initially learn about the loss of a loved one, you may feel a degree of emotional emptiness or numbness. This is due to the fact that you are dealing with the shock of the news and your mind has not yet processed the information in a way that it can cope with yet. This feeling, however, typically wears off eventually and you will begin to experience the other symptoms on this list.

“Understandably, grief is complicated and we sometimes wonder if the pain will ever end. We go through a variety of emotional experiences such as anger, confusion, and sadness.” –Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP

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  • Sadness- Sadness is the most common symptom of grief. You should expect to feel sadness as a result of the loss of your loved one.
  • Anger- You may feel angry at the world or at your loved one for the grief that you are experiencing. You shouldn’t feel bad about feeling this way as it is natural to be angry at something when your loved one passes. However, remember that this feeling will fade away as you go through the grief process and move onto other emotions.
  • Fear- If you’ve lost a great many people in a short period of time, you may begin feeling scared or worried that something terrible will happen to you as well. This is natural as well and will fade over time. Try to find ways that you can alleviate this fear so that you will be able to keep it from preventing you from living life.
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Physical Manifestations of Grief

“Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time.” –Kevin Stevenson, LMHC, MCAP

  • Fatigue- Grief not only causes emotional problems but manifests itself physically as well. One of the most common physical symptoms of grief is fatigue. You may feel as though you are not able to gather the energy needed to basic tasks throughout your day. You may also begin sleeping more as a result of your loss. This type of symptom will fix itself over time.
Source: images.medicaldaily.com
  • Unexplained aches and pains- If you’re grieving and you’re having a difficult time dealing with it, you most likely are dealing with this symptom. It is common for people dealing with physical pain when they are also feeling extreme emotional pain. These types of aches and pains include headaches, stomach aches, and back pain.
  • Eating too much or eating too little- You may find after you’ve lost your loved one that you have absolutely no appetite at all or you may develop a voracious appetite. Either way, this is natural for those dealing with grief. You should keep both of these symptoms in check to prevent yourself from starving, overeating, or developing an eating disorder.

Changes That You Will Experience in Life

Grief has the ability to affect your body as well as your surroundings. Some external symptoms of grief include social changes and changes in faith. Through your grief, you will be able to determine who you truly want in your life and you will probably have moments where you will question your faith and the way that the world around you works. Expect these things to come into existence during the grieving process.

“There’s no one answer about what to do when you miss someone—it really depends on the situation.” –Gregory Kushnick, PsyD.

Most importantly, if any of the symptoms above stick around for months and you feel that you have not moved forward in your grief process, seek help as you may have developed a mental illness as a result of your grief.

Sources:

http://www.webmd.com/balance/tc/grief-and-grieving-symptoms

http://www.psychguides.comhttp://www.psychguides.com/guides/grief-symptoms-causes-and-effects/

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/effects-of-bereavement.html

The Road to Recovery After Bereavement

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I am witness to the grief and overwhelming sadness of having to lose a loved one – a brother. I was broken, angry, guilty, depressed – and much more. I could only imagine how more magnified those emotions were felt by my parents. Like most parents, mine never thought their son would leave this world ahead of them, and acceptance of that fact was one of the most difficult ordeals that they had, perhaps even until now.

According to Tali Yuz Berliner, Psy.D. “Individuals may avoid discussing the loss as well as avoid people or places that are associated with their grief. This experience can put an individual in a vulnerable position with regard to their mental health.” Yes, The demise of a loved one almost always leaves us stuck in depression and grief, and some of us remain that way because we do not know how to move forward. However daunting it may be, we soon realize that we must get up and overcome the stage of bereavement to follow the road to recovery – because life must go on.

Moving Forward

Moving on is part of the stage of loss that goes along with acceptance. It is the time when one has come to a realization that their loved one is gone and we are left only with vivid memories of them and their life with us. As for me, moving forward means realizing that my brother is no longer here to joke around with, to fight with, and to share stories with. I still miss him, though, sorely, but I had found healthy and helpful ways to remember him and move forward at the same time, and I’m going to share them here.

Keep yourself busy. Initially, you’re going to have to dump yourself with work to keep your mind off your loss, and believe me, it helps. If your job entails you to report to the office by 8 am, leave the house at 7 if you’ve been awake since dawn. You’d be more productive working than depressing over something that cannot be undone. If you’re a home-based mom like I am, write your heart out. Work when you’re done taking care of your family. If nothing comes to mind, search for a new recipe and make it for supper. Do something worthwhile. “Understand that grief comes in waves. It is natural to feel numb at times and “normal” at others. You might continue to grieve for months or years. It is okay.” says Ashley Curiel, PsyD.

Keep in touch with old friends. I had a friend who lost her boyfriend of two years – from a heart attack. They were supposed to get married in a few months. She was devastated and she went away for some time. She kept in touch with me when she learned about the tragic death of my brother, and it was such a blessing that we reunited and rekindled our friendship. We helped each other heal our hurts by talking about them, crying over them, and attending worship service together. Sometimes it feels much better to be with people who have gone through what you’ve gone through.

Source: bfwh.nhs.uk

Live, and I mean just that. Continue living life with the fond memories of your loved one always in your heart. I have learned to talk about my happy memories with my brother among my friends and family. To be honest, tears still start to show, but only because I miss him, not because I have not accepted his death. It is only but right for us – along with those who have experienced sadness and grief from bereavement – to live our lives and make it worthwhile, because death comes for us, too – for all of us.

“The experience of losing someone we love is a process most everyone endures in a lifetime.” –Annie Vaughn, MA, LMHC

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How Parents can Cope with the Loss of their Son

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The death of someone, though it is a natural phenomenon, is something that you and I will never get used to experiencing. When my parents lost their first-born son, my oldest brother, it was as though everything went blank and the world stopped revolving. The pain was too much to bear, and looking at my parents made the hurt worse. As a family, we had to seek help from a minister and a therapist to guide us through the grief process. Now, I would say we have managed to live life with a purpose, though it wasn’t easy at all. We still think of him and miss him and wish he were around. However, things have settled and the family has accepted the inevitable fact. Here are some of the things that my parents did to cope with the loss of their son.

Ways to Cope

Express Yourself. My parents were not very expressive people, but they learned to become one when they wanted to lighten the burden. They often invited friends and family to visit and do get-togethers. It allowed them to talk freely about how they were, how they felt and how much they missed my brother. Crying was one of their best ways to express, especially my mother, who was the more sensitive one. They were also advised to write in a diary about their journey towards acceptance, and it has managed to ease a lot of hidden guilt and blame from within them. Parents do blame themselves at times for the death of their children simply because they feel responsible for them, no matter how old they are.  As Erika Miley, M.Ed, LMHC explains the benefits, she writes; “Allowing yourself to be sad and cry means you are not numbing those emotions that you perceive as negative emotions. When we numb selective emotions, we are actually numbing all of them. Allowing yourself to cry will allow for you to experience joy, happiness, and all of the other emotions we are meant for.”

Source: democrateandchronicle.com

Maintain Routines. Since my brother died, it had become a family tradition to celebrate his birthday and father’s day in the cemetery, a routine that I believe had helped my parents ease the pain and manage the emptiness they felt. I think it had to do with being able to talk to him while they were there, looking at his photos and praying for him. During the first two years, we would go there twice or thrice a week, just to grieve, and it did help us. Doing chores also keep the mind forget about the loss for a time. My father goes to the farm everyday, where he can think about business and how to keep it going, mentally and physically. It has become his form of exercise.

Accept the painful reality. The hardest thing for a parent to do, that I know now. It was mental and emotional anguish to see them fight the battle of having to grieve but still having to survive for their other children. Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP once said, “It is common when coping with loss to feel so desperate that you are willing to do almost anything to alleviate or minimize the pain. Losing a loved one can cause us to consider any way we can avoid the current pain or the pain we are anticipating from loss.” The saying ‘this too shall pass’ is such a cliché but it is something to be remembered everyday in order to accept the painful reality. The sooner parents learn to accept, the better they will be able to cope. The support of family and friends are also truly essential and valuable. It is one of the most effective ways to heal, better than antidepressant and antianxiety medications. They tried taking Xanax and another popular brand but it only dulled their mind, made them oblivious of what they were going through.

A Lifetime Challenge

“The experience of losing someone we love is a process most everyone endures in a lifetime.” Annie Vaughn, MA, LMHC stated. But I believe that overcoming the death of their children is one of the challenges that parents will always be going through. They may have successfully coped with the loss and have lived with it, but they will never get over the fact that their children – their son – went ahead of them. Their joy now is in the hope that their son is in a better place, and that the family will continue to be there for each other, perhaps not to fill the emptiness but to keep that space for him and to celebrate his life while he was here.

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Treasuring The Objects

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The passing of a loved one is a sensitive subject that this article will not touch on but rather what to do with the possessions afterwards. Do you keep everything in a box; or A cardboard one that you keep in the closet a disregard that seems kind of disrespect? How about a glass one that you put up for all to see that makes for an awkward/creepy conversational piece? Well, that depends on the item and the sentimental value that it has to you but read one for a future detailed discussion on this.

What’s To Treasure

Unquestionable

*Anything with a story

This is slightly different from sentimental value gifts because this is a story that you want to share which opens a world of possibilities. Perhaps put this item on a glass pedestal somewhere or in a frame where all can see it. Do you want to reduce your precious items to a conversational piece? If not then read on.

*Sentimental Value

Not everything has a story that we are willing to share outside of family or a therapist. Items with sentimental value are better in places where there are the least amount of guest such as your bedroom, and it is up to you entirely about how much that you want to discuss this topic. The same goes for the item below.

Source: bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com

*Burial items

These things without any expectation that you should never feel guilty or weird about keeping. 

Questionable

*Jewelry

One of the things that you should never put away in the box is a gift. This goes doubly so when your parents care enough about this to wear it often. Trible so if this was something that has been passed down from family member to family member.

*Estate and Land

Property and land are two of the hardest things that we can give up as a person. We aren’t the one who sweat, blood, tears, and time that went into that land, so it feels horrible to think that we have the inability to run it the family business. Would you want to see your parent’s hard work goes to waste? Well, that is up to you or other members of the family.

What’s NOT To Treasure

(As long as this list does not conflict with the Unquestionable list then it is better just to get rid of its entirety):

*Bodily Objects

How can you justify keeping your parents body in any form or fashion? The only plausible way that you can have your mother’s body parts is in a jar or mummified in a way that is decorated.

*Bloody Ones Too

No explanation is needed here.

*For Profit, Not Running

This is quite the opposite because granted all of the things that are under Questionable with fit here too. Jewellery in most case, outside of the exceptions, should be sold because your parents mostly wore them for vanity. Property and Land is a much harder then to quantify.

The Boxing Stage

Now the most difficult stage for anyone is deciding what goes and what stays. This is just what we are going to call this time of our life the “Boxing Stage” since this both refer metaphorical and physical removal of your sacred items. Now, this does not always have to be in a sense that you just box something away to forget about it but quite to the contrary. Think about the items that are questionable list above. All of these elements are tradable for profit because more likely than not your parents made an investment for their children sake. One of the best investments that you can make these days are in jewellery, property and land. Now if these things are too hard to part with there are two solutions: keep it yourself or give it to someone you trust. We all don’t have time in our day to run a business or tend to an acre of land so why not sell it to rid ourselves of our parent burden? These are things that we all must think about at some point in another, and only we can make a final decision one way or another.

Source: landequity.com

Coping with The Loss of My Better Half

Losing my husband is probably the most nerve-wrecking, most heartbreaking, most energy-draining, and most soulful experience I ever had. It was toughest of the toughest challenges that I didn’t believe I will be able to surpass. I thought that it was also the end for me. I thought I would never live my life again after my husband has passed. But because of my husband, himself, I was able to put back my broken pieces of heart, soul and mind into one again. Let me tell you how I managed to cope with my husband’s passing.

It all started with a goodbye.

Source: fluentu.com

“Losing someone or something you love and care deeply about is very painful. You may experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness you’re experiencing will never let up,” says Kevin Stevenson, LMHC, MCAP. Most often than not, when someone lost a loved one, he or she may not be able to bid farewell. This maybe because the loved one passed in a very unexpected time or the loved one got into an accident and died. Whatever the reason maybe, not being able to say your final goodbye to your loved one won’t give you that peaceful closure. You will be filled with regret of what if’s and should have’s.

Luckily, I was able to say goodbye to my husband. His death was unexpected but we were able to say goodbye to one another. It may not be during the few minutes before his death, but having that chance to say goodbye to the most precious person in your life is worth the peaceful closure that I needed.

I cherished the reminders that he left.

I and my husband have a wonderful twin, Alon and Malaya. We are all heartbroken after their father died. However, we also supported each other through this grievance. I wouldn’t have escaped that deep, dark hole of depression if not for my loving children. They are the perfect reminder of the perfect relationship I had with my husband. I wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world. My children are the symbol of the love that I and my husband shared over the past years. I understand Debbie Augenthaler, LMHC, NCC when she says, “Grief is a part of life we must embrace. Many people are grieving, feeling alone and overwhelmed. It’s important to remember that tears are like small messengers of unspeakable, indescribable love.”

Source: pixabay.com

I allowed myself to miss him.

“Time heals all wounds.” That’s one of my most favorite quotes. You might say that how can you forget and move on if you would allow yourself to miss your husband. You may not even try this advice. But, I want you to understand that there’s nothing wrong with missing your husband. In fact, missing him, reminiscing your happy memories, and reliving your love for him are very helpful in putting off the fire of sadness, loneliness and abandonment. It is not forbidden not to think about your loved one who passed. This may take some time, but it is still my way to remind myself that my husband lived his life with me contently. “When you miss someone, you need to process it,” says Gregory Kushnick, PsyD.

Source: pixabay.com

Final Word

We may all have different ways that we used to cope with a loss. These three tips are the ones that worked for me. You can try them. You can modify them. As long as you experience their purpose, you are on the right track.