It all happened so fast. I was in a car with my husband traveling to Vegas to celebrate our 15th marriage anniversary. We were so happy. Both of us have never been to Vegas so we are really hoping for quite an experience. We were so giddy, excited, and singing happily with the radio. Then suddenly, something hit us. Hard.
Everything came rushing into me like a sharp vacuum of darkness. My head was screaming so loud, calling my dear husband, trying to move my body so I could free myself from the seatbelt that was holding me back. I became really dizzy. The darkness slowly consuming my conscience. The last thing that I heard was my husband’s voice calling my name.
Hearing the Shocking News
I woke up in a blinding light while feeling this sharp pain on my side. I slowly opened my eyes to adapt in the light. I was taken aback after getting a glimpse of my family gathered inside the room with very remorseful and worried expressions on their faces. My son went to my side and delivered the shocking news. I and my husband got into an accident. We were hit by a ten-wheeler delivery truck. I survived and he didn’t.
“It is common when coping with loss to feel so desperate that you are willing to do almost anything to alleviate or minimize the pain. Losing a loved one can cause us to consider any way we can avoid the current pain or the pain we are anticipating from loss.”-Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP
I stared into my son’s eyes, trying to swim through the clarity of sadness in his look. I don’t know if I should believe him or not. We were just going to Vegas to celebrate our wedding anniversary and now he’s dead? It just didn’t make any sense to me.
Remembering the Accident
They said I needed someone to talk to. Then I remember what Lisa S. Larsen, PsyD.’s says, “When it’s too hard to cope with all of this alone, you might find it helpful to have someone who understands trauma and loss in your corner.” I needed someone to help me to remember the accident and to slowly accept the fact that my husband passed away. I was introduced to a psychologist in the hospital. She is quite nice. She walked me through the process of grief and allowed me to slowly accept that the accident happened and I am a widow now. I was terrified, but she made me feel so comfortable and safe despite being vulnerable. With her help and my family being around me, I was able to come back to my senses and continued with my life.
Slowly but Surely
It was really tough. But, I couldn’t stay in the dark. I can’t let my family be dragged down into the darkness that was trying to pull my feet into the ground. I had to be strong for all of them. I had to be thankful for having this second chance to live again. As Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD mentions in an article, “Give yourself permission to do some serious emotional healing to become your happiest self and remember, it is a process more than a destination.”
I continued my therapy with my psychologist. Although we are far away from one another, we remained in contact using technology. I also started to regain my life by spending more time with my family. Now, I am proud to say that I am living my second chance in life.